http://www.kevinspin.com/ Kevin Spin Copyright 2013 by Kevin Spin
Kevin Spin:"The lie detectors that we use for interviews are completely harmless. For instance, I regularly use this device during meetings to determine whether I’m lying or telling the truth."]]> Mon, 07 May 2012 20:08:37 GMT
Albert Wood:"It's really hot in here and you have switched off the A/C...if you do it again, I'll fire you immediately..." Tim Strong (the next day):"Fortunately I had a spare heater at home..."]]> Mon, 26 Sep 2011 21:34:47 GMT
Albert Wood:"The project is on track. I've marked it in green..."
Tim Strong:"Uh, we've already got a two-week delay..."
Albert Wood:"Did I mention I suffer from color blindness?"]]> Thu, 02 Feb 2012 09:40:35 GMT
Albert Wood:"Employee surveys are not structured well. A typical answer to the question "What would improve company results?" was "Total replacement of top management"."]]> Sun, 04 Mar 2012 21:00:45 GMT
Kevin Spin:"This is the prototype for a new automatic hairdresser...which we're testing internally, before we start marketing it..."]]> Thu, 08 Sep 2011 21:40:39 GMT
Victor:"I’m new here, but it doesn’t prevent me from asking you to bring me a coffee ..."
Tim Strong:"I’m not sure I should do this. moreover, I have an urgent task from my boss..."
Victor:"Don’t worry. he has other stuff to worry about, I sent him out for some dessert..." ]]> Wed, 16 Nov 2011 21:31:21 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Yes, as a senator I have to make many difficult decisions. For instance, I must constantly decide between...spaghetti and macaroni."]]> Tue, 09 Aug 2011 22:26:23 GMT
Kevin Spin:"We’ve finally put together a global scheme of our companies, which we use to cheat local governments and minimize our tax liability. Unfortunately the scheme is so complicated we’ve come to realize that we cheat ourselves in some cases ..."]]> Tue, 10 Jan 2012 22:03:41 GMT
Professor Gary:"Welcome to today's hypnosis, organized by your company...close your eyes and relax. You feel sleepy and heavy...Memorize this: I won't ask for a pay raise next year..."]]> Sun, 04 Sep 2011 20:11:58 GMT
Kevin Spin is running in the corporate labyrinth.]]> Sat, 21 Apr 2012 10:28:46 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I asked our sorcerer from the department of creative accounting to transfer the money from secret sponsors to our election fund."
Sorcerer:"Oooooff-shore private foundation, Caribbean, Liechtenstein trust, tax haveeeeen..."]]> Wed, 14 Mar 2012 20:26:54 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Agreed, you’ll work 12 hours a day at minimum wage with no prospect of a pay raise. Are you satisfied?"
Applicant:"Yes, I’m glad I don’t have to pay a fee for my workplace ..."
Kevin Spin:"You’ll see at the end of your probationary period ..."]]> Mon, 06 Feb 2012 20:10:37 GMT
Kevin Spin:"We have invented a machine which duplicates employees...Now the job can be done twice as effectively...Create reports twice and put them into the folder labeled 'For shredding'"]]> Sat, 24 Mar 2012 13:56:22 GMT
Tim Strong:"I've made a sophisticated program which generates creative timesheets for me. Generated values are very realistic, when all 57 parameters are configured correctly."
Albert Wood:"Why do you report 'Managing corporation' in your timesheets?"
Tim Strong:"It looks like parameter No.35 is incorrect ..."]]> Tue, 18 Oct 2011 23:44:03 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I called the best consultants money can buy to help us with the poor quality of our products. I didn't understand them well, but they suggested we use a "fishbone analysis"..."]]> Sun, 08 Apr 2012 22:48:41 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I’d like to know what my net profit will be next year ..."
Fortune teller:"I feel a moderate decrease of around 5%. So you’ll only make $1.5 billion in profits ..."
Kevin Spin:"I assume you can also see that I can only pay half your fee as I’m now on a tight budget."]]> Tue, 07 Feb 2012 16:44:48 GMT
Professor Gary:"This robot will replace top managers in multinational companies. We call him "CEO-BOT". He has all the necessary features such as:"Increase my salary", "I need more benefits" and "You are fired"."]]> Mon, 19 Mar 2012 20:54:14 GMT
Kevin Spin:"This is Hugo. He was a professional boxer, then he worked as bouncer, and now he advices companies, how to improve their corporate culture..."]]> Mon, 31 Oct 2011 20:48:24 GMT
Kevin Spin:"My heart is telling me I have a great talent for golf. But my body still refuses to understand."]]> Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:53:20 GMT
Kevin Spin:"It's really amazing how 14th power of 10 synaptic connections in the human brain can create brilliant things like mortgages, lending rates or tax havens..."]]> Tue, 01 Nov 2011 21:26:16 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I should adjust sales numbers on the last slide, to make it more positive. I’m sure the board of directors will appreciate this graph.... wow, this time I’ve probably gone too far ..."]]> Sat, 21 Apr 2012 10:39:21 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I don’t understand why people protest against greed on Wall Street. They simply don’t see how exhausting it is for us - the richest - to hold the world’s wealth in trust for ordinary people..."]]> Tue, 15 Nov 2011 23:30:35 GMT
Kevin Spin:"...I spent two weeks in French Polynesia. It was so relaxing..."
Assistant:"Speaking of vacation, I need to take a half day on Friday..."
Kevin Spin:"Whenever a man shares his private matters with his staff, it backfires immediately..." ]]> Mon, 05 Sep 2011 22:42:08 GMT
Kevin Spin: "If only I knew what oil price would be next month. Why am I telling this to you, you stupid fish?" ]]> Wed, 25 Jan 2012 09:52:50 GMT
Kevin Spin:"That’s tough luck! My assistant is on vacation and to make matters even worse my office fridge breaks down. My favourite drinks just stopped appearing here ..."]]> Thu, 01 Dec 2011 08:11:38 GMT
Notebook:"You’ve entered an incorrect password again ..."
Kevin Spin:"You stupid machine, I’m Kevin, your CEO, don’t tell me you don’t recognize me..."
Notebook:"Sorry Kevin, now I see it's you ... Could you please enter your password?" ]]> Tue, 22 Nov 2011 20:36:06 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I bought this “lucky compass” on my business trip to Shanghai. It’s supposed to be a magical object pointing to your lucky business star. I just don’t know why it’s pointing back to China all the time ..."]]> Mon, 14 Nov 2011 00:43:27 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I’ve decided to enter the micro-credit market..."
Carol Roll:"Does that mean you’ll be making loans to Silberian peasants and then confiscating their homes?"
Kevin Spin:"Let’s just agree to call it a low-risk, high-reward venture motivated by a desire to help the Silberian people..."]]> Mon, 24 Oct 2011 23:16:35 GMT
Kevin Spin:"The operation will start with a massive landing on the Silberian coast."
Mike Spike:"And isn't it a problem we haven't declared war on Silberia yet?"
Kevin Spin:"I'm sure you'll find something they can be blamed for..."]]> Wed, 27 Jul 2011 15:26:59 GMT
Architect:"The new corporate building will have 83 floors. As your wished your office will be in top floor. It is equipped with massive blinds to minimize the feeling of dizziness you suffer from..."]]> Thu, 18 Aug 2011 10:41:07 GMT
Kevin Spin:"We hired the most creative people for our new marketing campaign. I'm afraid they were really only creative at the moment they calculated the contract price..."]]> Thu, 15 Sep 2011 22:01:27 GMT
Kevin Spin:"What do you mean by "my last warning"? I lead a praiseworthy life and love my neighbor ... By the way, would you like to buy some shares? I have a good tip ..."]]> Wed, 14 Dec 2011 09:35:04 GMT
Kevin Spin:"If I understand you correctly, you're offering me a bribe if I help you with the gambling law?"
Lobbyist:"No, definitely not. If you help us we’ll invite you to our casino to play our special game. We call it the “bribe slot.” You bet one dollar and you have a 99.99% chance of winning two million."]]> Sun, 06 Nov 2011 23:07:09 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Welcome to today’s videoconference. We’re getting started late because I’ve just come from my dentist where I underwent an emergency medical procedure. My filling came out and I got a new one. Take a look ..."]]> Tue, 20 Dec 2011 09:02:54 GMT
Professor Gary:"Close your eyes, try to relax and imagine your innermost wishes..."]]> Sat, 24 Mar 2012 13:53:30 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I’ll buy this watch if I get at least a 20% discount ..."
Shop clerk:"I’m sorry sir, but we provide only bulk discounts ..."
Kevin Spin:"Ok, give me 15 watches, but I insist on the discount ..." ]]> Fri, 02 Dec 2011 08:22:25 GMT
Assistant:"I’m just going over your travel expenses from your two-day trip to Paris. You’re claiming 4 lunches, 7 dinners, and 6 taxi rides to the airport. Is it correct?"
Kevin Spin:"Yes, it is. So, you see I was right when I told you I was doing the work of two people..." ]]> Mon, 07 Nov 2011 21:50:18 GMT
Kevin Spin:"We decided to implant remote controls into the heads of our salesmen. For instance with this button we can stop any unprofitable bid now..."
Customer ( far, far away in one remote office):"Just nod, if you can give us a better discount..."]]> Mon, 17 Oct 2011 21:29:56 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Our new application must be robust, flexible and extensible. It also must seamlessly - What has happened to him? Is it serious?"
Albert Wood:"Not really, he just has a strong allergic reaction to buzzwords."
]]> Wed, 11 Apr 2012 11:29:07 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Bad day. My private jet is grounded and it cost me an arm and a leg to get on this commercial flight for at least a bit of comfort."]]> Thu, 19 Jan 2012 19:50:32 GMT
Kevin Spin:"No, I don't have any candy. I'm not a charity"
Mary:"And here I thought you were an investor..." ]]> Fri, 30 Mar 2012 10:32:22 GMT
Specialist:"Welcome to "Genius Can Ltd." we extract brilliant ideas from genius brains and preserve them for future generations in cans like these. Are you here as a donor?"
Kevin Spin:"Yes, I’m a senator and a CEO and –"
Specialist:"Ok,ok, this can will be sufficient..." ]]> Mon, 28 Nov 2011 19:40:01 GMT
Kevin Spin:"This is a new experimental device which generates controlled visions in your brains ... Now you should see me as a man of wisdom hovering above the land of binders and revealing to you the ultimate secret: “There won’t be any promotion this year”..."]]> Mon, 12 Dec 2011 21:42:44 GMT
Kevin Spin:"You can report workplace bullying directly to me. I’ll personally review all cases and punish anyone who violates our code of conduct, which says: "Whoever slanders superiors or writes defamatory emails about them will be fired...""]]> Sun, 27 Nov 2011 21:50:42 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Imagine a line of applicants waiting for your vacancy before you ask for a pay raise..."
Tim Strong:"But I'm working hard, I'm qualified, creative, loyal, dedicated and - "
Kevin Spin:"I understand you, but look, there are two more applicants in line now ..."]]> Sun, 16 Oct 2011 23:08:07 GMT
Albert Wood:"I see you have a new Cartier watch. It must have been very expensive..."
Kevin Spin:" Actually, I don't know. I got it as part of my bonus, along with my new Aston Martin limo..."]]> Mon, 26 Sep 2011 21:14:23 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Life is a constant struggle for limited resources. You must be smart and have no scruples to gain your place on sun..."
Teenager:"Out of the way, old man. This is my taxi..." ]]> Wed, 23 Nov 2011 22:56:54 GMT
Kevin Spin:"...Yes, I got stuck in the elevator...Somebody must rescue me...Call my lawyer immediately..."]]> Wed, 08 Feb 2012 20:47:22 GMT
Kevin Spin:"You have a warm mesmerizing charm..."
Waiter:"Would you like to pay?"
Kevin Spin:"Yes please, separately." ]]> Sun, 12 Feb 2012 21:29:47 GMT
Kevin Spin:"It’s a deal! You’ll sponsor my election campaign and I’ll give you a professional advice on optimizing your tax liability by moving your starship to a galaxy with a friendlier tax system..."]]> Wed, 07 Dec 2011 09:09:48 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I thought long and hard about, how to make my luxury ultra-minimalist apartment more cozy. Luckily, I soon came to an ingenious solution. I built a special corner here with a collection of garden gnomes..."]]> Wed, 18 Jan 2012 08:55:36 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I don't know how to answer your question. Based on our pre-election survey, 50% of my voters want to hear "Yes", but the remaining 50% want to hear a resolute "No"."]]> Fri, 02 Mar 2012 13:44:05 GMT
Albert Wood:"We've just realized people favor "fair-trade" products."
Kevin Spin:"OK, put "fair-trade" stickers on all our products. But make sure that poorly paid and frustrated workers in Silberia don't see it..."]]> Sun, 15 Apr 2012 21:35:41 GMT
Kevin Spin:"The credit crisis also had a negative impact on our shares. Fortunately, the absolute drop-off was not so severe, because the share price was almost zero when the crisis began."]]> Thu, 18 Aug 2011 10:10:25 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Times are tough and I don’t know whether to invest in shares, state bonds or gold. And what do you invest in?"
Waiter:"I usually invest in the repayment of my debts, sir ..."]]> Tue, 13 Dec 2011 22:49:22 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Presentation mastery is a question of adhering to simple rules. Start and end your presentation with a joke, recolor slides to managerial blue, remove all the facts, and keep smiling..."]]> Fri, 28 Oct 2011 00:57:24 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I didn't know I was so attractive to women. They are following me night and day..."
Albert Wood:"Perhaps you should remove the price tag from your new suit ..."]]> Thu, 13 Oct 2011 20:45:00 GMT
Mafioso:"I'm not sure what you meant by "manners from developing countries". But if you reject our offer of "friendly protection", we'll have to approach "friendly reproof"."]]> Tue, 03 Apr 2012 11:31:35 GMT
Kevin Spin:"The Dependent has a story on the shady fundraising activities of our political opponents. It is disgusting just how far some politicians are willing to go...Hi, I'm your anonymous source. I have new facts about fundraising affair ..."]]> Wed, 26 Oct 2011 23:46:18 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Some global issues do not have trivial solutions. Therefore, we must considers all aspects before we decide to..."
Mary:"So you don't have any chewing gum..."]]> Mon, 30 Jan 2012 20:41:07 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Some theories say that the level of your salary corresponds to your social importance. Recently I've done a little research and discovered an interesting thing. According to this theory, I'm approximately 257 times more useful than ordinary people ..."]]> Thu, 09 Feb 2012 20:49:43 GMT
Tim Strong:"I think we should jump into the nanotechnology business..."
Kevin Spin:"Wait a minute. Future trends are on our agenda later..."
Kevin Spin (75 seconds later):"I've got a great idea - let's start with nanotechnology..."]]> Sun, 23 Oct 2011 23:46:09 GMT
Mary:"Would you come to my birthday party? All my friends will be there..."
Kevin Spin:"Don't bother me. I don't have time for such silly events..."
Mary:"Did I mention the boss of the Securities Commission will come too?"]]> Wed, 22 Feb 2012 11:12:49 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I feel so good wearing a suit and tie on weekends. It’s something that distinguishes me from the ordinary people ..."
Serviceman:"Mr. Spin, I’ve come to fix your garbage disposal ..."]]> Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:17:51 GMT
Sales woman:""CEO Travel" provides unusual experiences for special people like you. In this catalog you'll find many to choose from:"Travelling by bus" or "Shopping in a supermarket...".]]> Thu, 02 Feb 2012 23:26:23 GMT
Kevin Spin:"For our lawyers’ sake we’ve just decided to start recording our meetings. The first item on the agenda is your petition for free weekends... Now you can tell me freely and clearly if you’re going to work on weekends ..."]]> Fri, 11 Nov 2011 15:26:17 GMT
Robber:"Gimme your money..."
Kevin Spin:"I have no money, my company pays everything for me..."]]> Thu, 23 Feb 2012 11:15:12 GMT
Mary:"Do you have any candy?"
Kevin Spin:"Don't bother me. Can't you see I'm very worried?"
Mary:"You didn't sell toxic shares soon enough, did you?"]]> Wed, 31 Aug 2011 22:55:19 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Until recently, I found it difficult to remember the names of my staff. With this handheld scanner it is now quite easy. Such a simple solution..."]]> Wed, 25 Jan 2012 19:03:46 GMT
Kevin Spin:"There are three qualities absolutely essential for every manager...The first is leadership, the second is vision and I can't recall the third at the moment..."]]> Wed, 07 Mar 2012 22:45:24 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I love flying. Especially that feeling when I'm sitting in my private jet and can look down on all the rest."]]> Wed, 28 Mar 2012 09:36:07 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I really appreciate your suggestion. Send it to me in writing. I'm too busy to read it, but I'll save it in a special folder for "Great ideas", where I keep all brilliant innovations until the midnight job deletes them ... "]]> Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:07:36 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I like machines. You pay for them once and they work all the time, don’t have vacations, don’t complain, don’t have labor unions and never get frustrated ..."]]> Thu, 24 Nov 2011 23:23:15 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Sometimes I wonder what I’ll leave behind one day. And I must admit it’s a really good feeling. 3 yachts, 4 houses, 3 apartments, 15 full accounts, 10 luxury cars and 8956 angry employees..."]]> Sat, 21 Apr 2012 10:08:26 GMT
Kevin Spin:"The new surveillance system is really great. Since we've had it installed ... productivity doubled... Clean the table and return to your desk. You've been away for more than 3 minutes ... "]]> Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:14:15 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I heard that meditation is the path to knowledge and it’s really true. Originally I tried to develop compassion, but later on, after hours of meditation, I came to realize the source of my happiness is an omnipresent greed ..."]]> Sun, 01 Jan 2012 20:38:20 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Mirror, sometimes I feel deep disrespect for myself. Tell me the truth...do I really lie, twist facts, and push unproven truths?"
Mirror:"It looks like it's going to rain today..."]]> Tue, 19 Jul 2011 09:35:39 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I’m too tired to look at the menu. Just give me the most expensive item ..."
Waiter:"That would be the chef’s specialty, sir. The price also includes flambéeing. Look at the opposite table ... "
Kevin Spin:"I’ll take it, but make it more exclusive. Flambee it three times."]]> Tue, 10 Jan 2012 20:45:45 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Negotiations with unions ended in a win-win situation. We won't have to increase salaries during the next year and the unions can be sure we won't fire their leaders... "]]> Wed, 12 Oct 2011 15:39:10 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Recently I created my profile on Facebook. I was surprised I didn't find any friends there"
Albert Wood:"Send an email to all employees to link Kevin immediately."]]> Thu, 18 Aug 2011 09:19:48 GMT
E.T.:"You were selected as a representative of Earth for our Intergalactic marketing survey."
E.T.:"I have classified the Earth as a market with no prospects..."]]> Tue, 27 Mar 2012 11:28:54 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Economic results for the last quarter are not as bad as expected. Of course it depends on the perspective."]]> Wed, 04 Apr 2012 11:21:36 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I'll defend you, my voters, against the evil of the big corporations, but I need your vote..."]]> Mon, 31 Oct 2011 00:00:24 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Every man has a weakness for something. For instance I'm a fanatical book buyer. I like the feeling of how much I'd know if I read them..."]]> Wed, 02 Nov 2011 23:46:58 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I don’t like your reproachful look ... don’t forget who is earning the money here ... and this is the end of our regular quarterly evaluation ..."]]> Sun, 04 Dec 2011 22:43:56 GMT
Kevin Spin:"It’s quite strange, I’m a CEO and senator, one of the best moneymen, some would say pure genius ... but sometimes I feel lonely. As if I didn't have any friends ..." Tax consultant:"Don’t worry. We, the tax consultants, will be your friend forever ..."]]> Wed, 09 Nov 2011 23:23:50 GMT
Carol Roll:"... a huge asteroid will hit the earth and destroy all life in seven days ..."
Kevin Spin:" ... I urgently need to spend all my frequent flyer miles in 7 days..."
Air carrier employee:"Sir, you have more than 1 million miles on your account..."
Kevin Spin:"No problem. I’ll fly ten times round the globe and will exchange the remaining 1354 miles for salted peanuts..." ]]> Wed, 30 Nov 2011 12:00:01 GMT
Kevin Spin:"We divided the rewards for the last quarter fairly, half and half. I got the first half, and all the others shared the second one."]]> Thu, 16 Feb 2012 22:31:59 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I suffer from a rare illness called executive memory disorder. It causes me to be unable to commit any promise to memory, especially those concerning pay raises, promotions, bonuses or vacations ..."]]> Sun, 05 Feb 2012 20:51:39 GMT
Professor Gary:"We have discovered the cause of your blood pressure fluctuations. We compared your pressure records with data in our supercomputer. The result is obvious. Your blood pressure correlates with inverse price trend of your shares..."]]> Thu, 03 Nov 2011 19:50:22 GMT
Kevin Spin:"We will send some money from our election funds to the starving people in Silberia...don't worry, I meant our starving off-shore account..."]]> Thu, 11 Aug 2011 12:16:07 GMT
Kevin Spin:"When travelling we can learn a lot about other cultures..."
Waiter:"What would you like to eat, monsieur?"
Kevin Spin:"A double cheeseburger and chilled coke."]]> Mon, 23 Jan 2012 19:06:03 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Thanks to our unbeatable offer we won a contract for building a new unneeded Silberian dam. It was easy. We only had to buy a new yacht for the dictator Sulvan, double the price to create funds for greedy state officials and finally arrange a high-interest loan for the poor people of Silberia ..."]]> Sun, 20 Nov 2011 21:17:43 GMT
Albert Wood:"Kevin has published his autobiography. Tomorrow he’ll be signing copies. In the morning, all employees will pick up their copies in the kitchenette and take three turns in the signing queue ..."]]> Sun, 01 Jan 2012 19:51:56 GMT
Carol Roll:"Mr. Spin, I really enjoyed your autobiography. I only didn’t understand the chapter entitled "My Vision and Mission"..."
Kevin Spin:"I’m not surprised, I didn’t get it either. My secretary wrote that and I was too shy to ask her for an explanation..."]]> Sun, 01 Jan 2012 20:10:32 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Doctor, I suffer from shaking fingers whenever I see an envelope. I also have an irresistible urge to take the envelope and put it into my pocket."
Doctor:"Mr. Spin, I’m afraid your corruption disease has reached its final stage ... "]]> Sun, 01 Jan 2012 19:42:08 GMT
Employee:"Sorry to interrupt you, but you’ve forgotten to switch off your web camera, after the videoconference with all corporate employees ..."]]> Mon, 16 Jan 2012 15:22:37 GMT
Miner:"Mr.Spin, we've found a huge oil deposit.Unfortunately the oilfield is located directly under your winter residence."]]> Thu, 18 Aug 2011 09:43:11 GMT
Albert Wood:"Trochu jsme upravili Vaši fotografii než ji použijeme v předvolební kampani."]]> Thu, 18 Aug 2011 10:50:17 GMT
Kevin Spin:"The new year is a time of retrospection for me. I always try to unbiasedly evaluate my successes and failures over the last year. The successes are easy for me, but with failures I always end up hiring external consultants to find some for me ..."]]> Sun, 01 Jan 2012 19:22:36 GMT
Kevin Spin:"The situation in Silberia is chaotic. However our forces are doing their best to protect the dictator Sulvan against his uneducated voters!" ]]> Wed, 15 Feb 2012 09:57:16 GMT
Kevin Spin:"How could you have released the new application with so many bugs?"
Tim Strong:"You ordered us to release it immediately without proper testing .."
Kevin Spin:"Ok, ok, but you must understand I can't give you a bonus when the quality of your work is so poor..." ]]> Tue, 11 Oct 2011 21:51:40 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I developed my career from scratch. I had to work extremely hard to achieve my current position. After Harvard, I started as low as CFO and it took me two a long years to become CEO ..."]]> Wed, 05 Oct 2011 10:03:05 GMT
Tim Strong:"Here's your new VoIP phone. One gigabit ethernet connectivity, special low bitrate codec... You can start using it straightaway, just log in with your username and password..."
Kevin Spin:"Susan, dial Morgan and transfer the call to my new phone ..."]]> Tue, 25 Oct 2011 22:17:06 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Some people say politicians are not innovative and creative.But this is a major misunderstanding..."]]> Sun, 22 Jan 2012 20:45:38 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I’m hiring you. You’ll be responsible for marketing on social media. Your virtual identity will be Suzy, a 26-year-old Harvard graduate, beauty queen, auto racing aficionado and very lonely marketing specialist ..."]]> Thu, 19 Jan 2012 08:51:56 GMT
Professor Gary:"We monitored Tim's brain activity during his working hours...This graph shows his peak brain activity...1)Coffee breaks; 2)Surfing the Internet;3)Meeting Sally;4)Lunch"]]> Sun, 11 Mar 2012 20:05:02 GMT
Tim Strong:"I've just installed a new anti-spam filter. It scans also all internal emails and removes those with zero information value..."
Kevin Spin:"Can you tell me why people aren't receiving my emails?"]]> Tue, 06 Mar 2012 10:58:26 GMT
Professor Gary:"The new version of the "CEO-BOT", has a revolutionary built-in module for communicating negative messages. For instance, say: "We have to fire 35 employees ...""
CEO-BOT:"Selected experts will have a unique opportunity to test their long-standing experience on the job market..."]]> Tue, 20 Dec 2011 09:24:52 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Albert, I need the presentation by Tuesday"
Albert Wood:"Tim, I need the presentation by Monday"
Tim Strong:"Sally, I need to cancel our weekend in Paris..."]]> Tue, 14 Feb 2012 10:20:05 GMT
Kevin Spin:"We plan to build a new social network and sell all users’ personal data to marketing agencies, Silberian blackmailers, and drug dealers -"
Tim Strong:"But isn’t it illegal?"
Kevin Spin:"No, because all users will agree with it. We’ll describe it on page 283 of our service terms using a semi-transparent micro font ... "]]> Tue, 17 Jan 2012 09:22:32 GMT
Albert Wood:"We monitor all important processes within our corporation. This red light indicates a critical interruption on the third floor caused by a broken coffee machine..."]]> Thu, 15 Mar 2012 21:21:15 GMT
Professor Gary:"Thanks to magnetic resonance we have arrived at a fundamental discovery.Stupidity is evenly distributed in the human brain."]]> Tue, 31 Jan 2012 20:09:24 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Our new product has been developed using a method of reversible marketing synthesis. It’s a procedure where you design a product according to facts the marketing department advertised before engineers came up with any idea ... introducing our new easy-to-use mobile phone!"]]> Sun, 01 Jan 2012 19:09:35 GMT
Kevin Spin:"We have to reduce the headcount in your department. I didn't have enough time to think about it, so I wrote a firing email and sent it to a random address. Have you got any email recently?"]]> Tue, 21 Feb 2012 10:25:56 GMT
Kevin Spin:"The slump in sales is caused by unfair competition. Our competitors reduced prices and introduced new products at the same time three of our key coffee machines broke down."]]> Fri, 13 Apr 2012 10:09:30 GMT
Kevin Spin:"This man is a sorcerer. He is the head of the creative accounting department..."]]> Wed, 14 Mar 2012 20:24:30 GMT
Albert Wood:"You'll be interpreting during the meeting with Japanese investors."
Tim Strong:"But I do not speak Japanese at all."
Albert Wood:"Then you will definitely appreciate that the meeting wasn't scheduled for today." ]]> Tue, 28 Feb 2012 21:32:30 GMT
Victor:"I’m Victor - the new manager of data transformation services..."
Tim Strong:"And what are you responsible for?"
Victor:"People like you preparing reporting data in order for me to transform it into a nice-looking PowerPoint slide..." ]]> Tue, 15 Nov 2011 00:09:59 GMT
Tim:"I urgently need to talk to Kevin..."
Assistant:"I'll call you when he finds some time for you, but it won't be today... he is now processing meeting requests from last winter..."]]> Mon, 27 Feb 2012 18:49:08 GMT
Kvin Spin:"Tim, I need you to fly to Silberia and upgrade our dictatorial decision support system."
Tim Strong:"Why me? Can’t their IT department do that?"
Kvin Spin:"They didn’t quite succeed last time. They accidentally swapped the names in the "IT department" and "targets to be eliminated" tables..."]]> Mon, 21 Nov 2011 23:20:05 GMT
Kevin Spin:"You made amazing progress this year and are much closer to being promoted...."
Tim Strong:"Just how close am I exactly?"
Kevin Spin:"If you imagine your promotion as being as close as my office, then this year you jumped one whole floor. Only 237 more to go!..." ]]> Sun, 18 Dec 2011 22:05:01 GMT
Albert Wood:"Kevin wants you to present the new web site next week."
Tim Strong:"But he hasn't given us any requirements yet."
Albert Wood:"I have always hated your paying too much attention to detail..."]]> Mon, 12 Mar 2012 20:37:37 GMT
Kevin Spin:"I was wondering who I inherited my brilliance from. Finally I figured out how to learn more. I ordered a DNA test, which told me who my ancestors were and where they lived. Now I don’t know how to interpret the result. An ancestor of mine turned out to be Ebenezer Scrooge."]]> Mon, 07 May 2012 19:57:29 GMT
Victor:"All next month you will be collecting data for my 20-second presentation I'll be giving at the CEO conference."
Tim Strong:"But isn't it a waste of our time?"
Victor:"Once you are a manager, you will understand my 20 seconds is worth a bit of your effort ..."]]> Wed, 14 Dec 2011 09:50:19 GMT
Victor:"Today I celebrate the 20th day without doing a thing and reporting my time on a non-existent project ... Yes, the project number is correct. Sales ordered it based on a request from marketing ... It’s going well. I believe I’ll break the 30-day record this time ..."]]> Sun, 01 Jan 2012 20:23:21 GMT
Kevin Spin:"Dear new employees, welcome to our company. We want you feel at home. We all are one big family. I'll be you Daddy and Chief Financial Officer will be your Mommy..."]]> Thu, 26 Jan 2012 10:36:52 GMT